controller_manager and controller library on different machines

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This is not possible. When a controller_manager loads a controller, it will use pluginlib to load the requested controller (which is simply a correctly exported library) into its own process. This pluginlib lookup will (naturally) only be able to look for this library on its current system. This is why you won't be able to get around moving/copying your controller over to M2.

More generally, it often helps to remind oneself that ros_control looks like a whole bunch of components working together, but at the end of the day they will all run in one node/process through dynamic library loading. My workflow in similar situations mostly consisted of developing a controller on M1 (including small tests in simulation), and then just moving it over using scp/git or similar.