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Looks like the current best solution is still calling the manager's 'unloadNodelet' service. You'll have to use a parameter (or some REALLY clever namespace/nodehandle tricks) to determine what service to call.
Here's a relevant mailing list thread: http://ros-users.122217.n3.nabble.com/nodelet-shutdown-unload-itself-requestShutdown-td3151148.html
Here's the still open ticket: https://code.ros.org/trac/ros-pkg/ticket/4431